Yesterday, I celebrated 3 years of freedom from the bondage of alcohol. I spent some time reflecting on my journey, and I want to share a few of my thoughts:
1. While many of us have this dangerous inclination and propensity to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to, some of us are well aware of our shortcomings and our imperfections. We know exactly what makes us unclean and separates us from the presence of God. It’s these same character flaws that lead us to conclude that we’re unworthy of love and genuine relationship. Sometimes, our burdens can become our idols; we give those things the attention and energy that we should be giving God. For some of us, fixation on our sinfulness hinders our ability to fellowship with God the way he intended it. We can be so focused on what’s wrong that we never make room for the solution. We never make room for what can restore us. Some of us even slip into a belief that we are beyond redemption, and that we’re too far gone and nothing can save us.
2. There’s a middle ground between the self-idolatry of thinking too much of ourselves, and the hopelessness of believing we are beyond redemption. The writer of Hebrews reminds us that “the blood of Christ will purify our consciences from sinful deeds so that we can worship the living God” (Hebrews 9:14). And Paul reminds us that God reconciled us to himself through Christ’s blood on the cross. He says, “This includes you who were once far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions. Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault” (Colossians 1:21-22).
3. Holy and blameless. I’ve done somethings while under the influence of alcohol (and while sober) that I thought made me undeserving of God’s forgiveness. I thought it was best that God not use me because of these things. I wanted to just “stay out the way” and play the background. For the first 18 months of this journey, I carried the burden of shame and regret, and I couldn’t accept God’s forgiveness in these areas of my life. Then I realized it was this same shame and regret that I was trying to drown in Henny or Woodford Reserve with a splash of cranberry. But once I emptied those bottles, there they were at the bottom staring back at me. And the cycle would repeat itself. Drinking couldn’t deliver me from the burdens I was carrying, and not drinking couldn’t deliver me either.
4. The blood of Christ will purify our consciences from shame and regret, freeing us to be in relationship with God. His blood made me spotless. It’s still a reality that I’m learning to live in. It doesn’t mean I’m infallible, but that I’m made clean, through repentance, by the blood of the Lamb. Even before I made the decision not to have another drink, Christ’s perfect sacrifice gave me the opportunity to dwell in God’s presence holy and blameless. He restored me to fellowship with God and to the purpose for which God created me.
Shalom.